Tuesday, December 01, 2009
Sunday, August 30, 2009
Wild Adventures is Craptastic
Eric knew I was jonesing for a theme park trip (since I talk about very little else), and since we didn't need to spend the money to hit Orlando, he suggested we check out Wild Adventures in Valdosta, GA, about 2 hours away. I guess that makes it my home park. Maybe we should move from the shame of that.
Wild Adventures is a smallish park off I-75 just north of the Florida border in Georgia. A few years ago, the company that owned it and Cypress Gardens went bankrupt. Cypress was bought by someone, and WA was sold to Herschend Family Entertainment. I've always liked Hershend. They manage Stone Mountain in Atlanta, run the "Ride the Ducks" attractions nationwide, own Silver Dollar City in Branson, and sold half of Pigeon Forge's Silver Dollar City to Dolly Parton to create Dollywood. You may know that I think Dollywood is a fantastic park. It has great theming, stellar rides and shows, and the food is top notch. It's always in the running for the Friendliest Staff award at the Golden Ticket Awards, an industry honor. I'd expected that Hershend had spruced up WA when they bought it... boy, was I wrong.
I won't go through my whole litany of complaints. Here are just a few:
1. The staff are even more unfriendly than the evil high school gnomes who work at Six Flags.
2. The restrooms are FILTHY. Here's a photo I took inside one of the toilet stalls:
You can't see how disgusting the floor is. And it wasn't just this restroom, but all of them. One had black mold growing on the stall dividers. Most stalls had brocken locks, too. The park was so filthy that we didn't even look at their waterpark section. You couldn't pay me to get in the water there.
3. They are meant to be an animal park, with lots of animals- lions, tigers, gators, monkeys. All were kept in much too small areas with no attempt at creating natural habitats.
4. We walked over to catch the end of the wild animal show, only to hear the host popping a vein explaining that there is no such thing as cloning. Not only does it not exist (somehow), but it's also an insult to Our Lord. He claimed to have had meetings with genetic scientists who work in cloning, and that they all ended with restraining orders put on him. Now, obviously he doesn't understand what cloning is, and he doesn't understand that a restraining order isn't something to brag about- especially if you represent a company who welcomes people from all walks of life and beliefs. I'm perfectly happy to go to a park with overt Christian leanings. Dollywood is full of them. Dollywood would never allow (encourage) an employee to make such inflammatory statements.
5. Nothing appeared to have been painted in the past four years, at least.
We left after three hours. Since the park was empty, that was more than enough time to ride all the coasters (nothing special, though the wild mouse (called Bug Out) is a great classic model. There were lots of county fair midway model rides, none of which even had custom paint jobs. If you're gonna bill yourself as a "theme park" and not an "amusement park," you have to put in some effort. There was even a surprising lack of signage. For instance, we had to go through the herpetology building before we could even figure out which was the in door. Most of the food outlets are the type that travel from county fair to county fair, trailers with windows.
I was really shocked to find all of this in a Hershend park, even one they recently acquired. There were a few little half-assed upgrades around, such as the entrances to some of the "themed areas," but tacking a name and a gate onto a concrete area doesn't make it the Australian Outback. There is no attempt to make the river rapids ride look anything like a river. Storage and backstage areas are in full view of the guests. The place is a mess. Spend the extra money in Orlando, or even at Sucks Flags. You'll have a much better time, and your price-per-hour will be much lower. Actually, that's one of the ways I measure parks: given how long I stay in a day, how much am I paying per hour for the fun? If the Magic Kingdom is $75 a day, and I stay for 10 hours (as I do) and have a great time for all 10 hours, that's $7.50 an hour- cheaper than a movie on a per hour basis. Wild Adventures is not worth its much lower admission price. I'm actually mad enough about it to write a letter to Hershend. They know better.
Wild Adventures is a smallish park off I-75 just north of the Florida border in Georgia. A few years ago, the company that owned it and Cypress Gardens went bankrupt. Cypress was bought by someone, and WA was sold to Herschend Family Entertainment. I've always liked Hershend. They manage Stone Mountain in Atlanta, run the "Ride the Ducks" attractions nationwide, own Silver Dollar City in Branson, and sold half of Pigeon Forge's Silver Dollar City to Dolly Parton to create Dollywood. You may know that I think Dollywood is a fantastic park. It has great theming, stellar rides and shows, and the food is top notch. It's always in the running for the Friendliest Staff award at the Golden Ticket Awards, an industry honor. I'd expected that Hershend had spruced up WA when they bought it... boy, was I wrong.
I won't go through my whole litany of complaints. Here are just a few:
1. The staff are even more unfriendly than the evil high school gnomes who work at Six Flags.
2. The restrooms are FILTHY. Here's a photo I took inside one of the toilet stalls:
You can't see how disgusting the floor is. And it wasn't just this restroom, but all of them. One had black mold growing on the stall dividers. Most stalls had brocken locks, too. The park was so filthy that we didn't even look at their waterpark section. You couldn't pay me to get in the water there.
3. They are meant to be an animal park, with lots of animals- lions, tigers, gators, monkeys. All were kept in much too small areas with no attempt at creating natural habitats.
4. We walked over to catch the end of the wild animal show, only to hear the host popping a vein explaining that there is no such thing as cloning. Not only does it not exist (somehow), but it's also an insult to Our Lord. He claimed to have had meetings with genetic scientists who work in cloning, and that they all ended with restraining orders put on him. Now, obviously he doesn't understand what cloning is, and he doesn't understand that a restraining order isn't something to brag about- especially if you represent a company who welcomes people from all walks of life and beliefs. I'm perfectly happy to go to a park with overt Christian leanings. Dollywood is full of them. Dollywood would never allow (encourage) an employee to make such inflammatory statements.
5. Nothing appeared to have been painted in the past four years, at least.
We left after three hours. Since the park was empty, that was more than enough time to ride all the coasters (nothing special, though the wild mouse (called Bug Out) is a great classic model. There were lots of county fair midway model rides, none of which even had custom paint jobs. If you're gonna bill yourself as a "theme park" and not an "amusement park," you have to put in some effort. There was even a surprising lack of signage. For instance, we had to go through the herpetology building before we could even figure out which was the in door. Most of the food outlets are the type that travel from county fair to county fair, trailers with windows.
I was really shocked to find all of this in a Hershend park, even one they recently acquired. There were a few little half-assed upgrades around, such as the entrances to some of the "themed areas," but tacking a name and a gate onto a concrete area doesn't make it the Australian Outback. There is no attempt to make the river rapids ride look anything like a river. Storage and backstage areas are in full view of the guests. The place is a mess. Spend the extra money in Orlando, or even at Sucks Flags. You'll have a much better time, and your price-per-hour will be much lower. Actually, that's one of the ways I measure parks: given how long I stay in a day, how much am I paying per hour for the fun? If the Magic Kingdom is $75 a day, and I stay for 10 hours (as I do) and have a great time for all 10 hours, that's $7.50 an hour- cheaper than a movie on a per hour basis. Wild Adventures is not worth its much lower admission price. I'm actually mad enough about it to write a letter to Hershend. They know better.
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
Oh, the food
Since I'm out of school, and don't have the money to go ride coasters every day, food has become a major time-consumption strategy for me. To combat this, I'm actually, like, exercising, in, like, a gym. But that's another post. Today I finally made a successful crusty bread, so I'm pleased with myself. More about what I've been cooking later. Right now I want to talk about a wonderful restaurant experience.
I hadn't planned on blogging about this, but it's been on my mind all month. We went to Universal Studios and Islands of Adventure at the beginning of June, and stayed at the Royal Pacific Resort, which was great. The breakfast buffet, if a little pricey, rocked, and I ate enough smoked salmon to satisfy me for a while. Inside the Islands of Adventure theme park is an award-winning restaurant, believe it or not. The place is called Mythos. I wasn't sure whether or not it would be worth it to take an hour or so out of the day at the park for a sit-down meal, but the reviews I'd read made up my mind.
The meal began with the best bread I've ever had served to me at a restaurant. Light brown, with seeds galore, an incredible crunch. I thought I was going to eat the whole loaf. For the entree, I had the Mythos Bistro Filet: three medallions of beef topped with truffle butter and spicy, battered, deep fried onion strands. Eric had (get this) the Blueberry and Pistachio Crusted Grilled Pork Chop with a port wine sauce. It came with the best "smokey" mac and cheese ever. Because Eric is low-carb, I asked for options. The server said they'd give us some sort of grilled vegetables, and we both were served perfectly prepared grilled asparagus- which was not on the menu.
I can't tell you how good this food was. I mean, I probably give the food an 8.5 out of 10. The reason I'm raving quite so much is that the place is on a price point comparable with Applebee's or Chili's or any of the big mediocre chains. We both ate this great meal for under $30, if I remember correctly. Of course, being a theme park, you could get a burger and fries and Mythos, too. I'm sure they're really good- but why on earth would you order that when you could have what we did? Other choices include a Chicken a la Oscar with lump crab and Pan Roasted Covina Provencale.
Anyway, if you're in Orlando, check out Mythos. You don't have to actually buy a ticket to the park to eat there. You can get a dining pass for a couple of hours. Make a reservation, then go to Guest Services and tell them. They'll run a credit card for the price of a ticket, then let you into the park. Go have your meal, come back (be sure you're out within half an hour of paying for the meal), and Guest Services will tear up the admission charge. It's a fantastic meal.
I hadn't planned on blogging about this, but it's been on my mind all month. We went to Universal Studios and Islands of Adventure at the beginning of June, and stayed at the Royal Pacific Resort, which was great. The breakfast buffet, if a little pricey, rocked, and I ate enough smoked salmon to satisfy me for a while. Inside the Islands of Adventure theme park is an award-winning restaurant, believe it or not. The place is called Mythos. I wasn't sure whether or not it would be worth it to take an hour or so out of the day at the park for a sit-down meal, but the reviews I'd read made up my mind.
The meal began with the best bread I've ever had served to me at a restaurant. Light brown, with seeds galore, an incredible crunch. I thought I was going to eat the whole loaf. For the entree, I had the Mythos Bistro Filet: three medallions of beef topped with truffle butter and spicy, battered, deep fried onion strands. Eric had (get this) the Blueberry and Pistachio Crusted Grilled Pork Chop with a port wine sauce. It came with the best "smokey" mac and cheese ever. Because Eric is low-carb, I asked for options. The server said they'd give us some sort of grilled vegetables, and we both were served perfectly prepared grilled asparagus- which was not on the menu.I can't tell you how good this food was. I mean, I probably give the food an 8.5 out of 10. The reason I'm raving quite so much is that the place is on a price point comparable with Applebee's or Chili's or any of the big mediocre chains. We both ate this great meal for under $30, if I remember correctly. Of course, being a theme park, you could get a burger and fries and Mythos, too. I'm sure they're really good- but why on earth would you order that when you could have what we did? Other choices include a Chicken a la Oscar with lump crab and Pan Roasted Covina Provencale.
Anyway, if you're in Orlando, check out Mythos. You don't have to actually buy a ticket to the park to eat there. You can get a dining pass for a couple of hours. Make a reservation, then go to Guest Services and tell them. They'll run a credit card for the price of a ticket, then let you into the park. Go have your meal, come back (be sure you're out within half an hour of paying for the meal), and Guest Services will tear up the admission charge. It's a fantastic meal.
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