Ego

It's 3:30 in the morning, and I'm on the front porch listening to the rain. We're having lovely, intermittently torrential rain tonight, and I love it. I've spent the past few hours reading interviews and biographies of some people whose work I admire (specifically Jim Henson and Frank Oz) and catching up on the doings of the Henson company.

I'm having some trepidation about going into the directing program at FSU. Not so much that I won't do it, of course! But those typical "Am I good enough?" "Can I do this?" kinds of thoughts. In the third year, I'll direct a season show. I know that quite a few grad students have an idea of what their Big Final Project will be before they even start. Me? Hell, I haven't even finalized my capstone project for the Storytelling degree... and I really need to have that project ready a year from now. And what about the show at FSU? I trust that my explorations there in the first couple of years will lead me somewhere. But honestly, so far, most of the work I'm proudest of has been brought to me, like, "Oh, Curtis, I think you should do this." So what do I want to do?

Gosh, I don't know. Perhaps those people who have it all planned out are so wonderful and talented because they're so focused on their artistic and philosophical and spiritual and technical and whatever-else goals. Me, I'm scattered. I'm all over the place. I don't think you'll find many people as interested in "The History of Department Stores in Nashville, Tennessee to 1985" as I am, or, I don't know, "Edie Sedgwick as Cultural Marker." My mind moves from one esoteric subject to the next, dragging me along with it. So my final project at FSU? I dunno. Maybe a musical. Maybe not. Maybe something with puppets, or children, or.. hell, I dunno. Do I have the ego to say? We'll see! I'm excited to find out.